I recently had a conversation with a 43-year-old Korean man I’ll call Sam who was looking for an American girlfriend. He and his parents were born in the United States, but his mother holds on to Korean traditions and customs. Sam is somewhat conservative and lives in his own house. He complained about how difficult it was to find a traditional woman.
Initially, I assumed that his definition of a conventional woman might be far removed from mine, but our conversation quickly revealed that our thinking was pretty much in sync.
He was frustrated that many young women are, according to him, rude and cannot carry on a conversation without using the “F” and “S” words in almost every sentence… (I thought this was interesting because such language is common and generally accepted in everyday discourse, especially among young people). They drink too much and generally have no idea what is attractive to a man. His femininity is nonexistent. They don’t know how they’re supposed to be because they don’t know how to be women. The women’s movement has screwed up their thinking and behavior so much that they can’t start, let alone maintain a good relationship with a man.
As we continued to talk, it became clear that he had more than a problem with young women. She also has a mother who rearranges her kitchen when she visits often and, believe it or not, tells her that she shouldn’t get married, and she means it! When he made that revelation, I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel.
On “my day,” it was common for parents to get unnecessarily involved in their adult children’s lives. It was a cultural thing. Above all, you couldn’t do something that would embarrass the family. Tradition and adherence to social norms mattered a lot. More than a few adult sons were disowned by their mothers, who insisted that the bride was not good enough for her son, who believed that she had the divinity of God.
Thank God the madness is over, isn’t it? No, it’s not over. Mommy’s boy syndrome is alive and well.
Today’s television shows demonstrate the problems adult children often experience from interfering and controlling mothers. The TLC show “I’m In Love With A Mama’s Boy” highlights the problem and it’s sickening to watch. I want to slap those mothers on one side and the other for emasculating their sounds.
Another TLC show, “90 Day Fiancé,” highlights Colt’s unhealthy relationship of over 30 years with his mother. Mom spoils his relationship with young women by deliberately and continually intruding and trying to control him. His mom is her best friend, her constant companion, and she’s made it clear to him that no woman will ever be good enough for her son.
Mothers of adult children: You have lived your life; let your sounds live theirs. Give them the freedom to be the alpha males God intended instead of the emotional, feminized eunuchs dangling from your apron strings.
Please do not call your child every day. Don’t ask yourself out on dates. If your son wants to live with a woman, it’s none of your business. Don’t make snide or passive-aggressive comments about his girlfriend. Maybe he wants to live with his girlfriend to get away from YOU! If you move in together, how you decorate your apartment is none of your business. Believe it or not, he can do it. He is no longer six years old.
One last piece of advice for mom: if you’re a widow, find a man of your own to manage. If you are not happily married, you may be the reason. Don’t try to cure or hide your unhappiness by fixating on your child.
Finally, I respect family customs and cultural norms but do not respect customs that interfere with the happiness or autonomy of any member. Live and let live.