I suppose that many of us have, at some point, been in the presence of someone who seems angry, even hostile, for no apparent reason. They may even claim that they are not angry; it is your fault, you who are imagining it, who are projecting your own problems and emotions in the situation. We may even find ourselves wondering what happened, could it really be our fault? We may not be clear on how to proceed.

Some people tend to blow up at the slightest opportunity, for the most trivial reasons, and then claim that they weren’t angry, that we provoked them, that it’s our fault and it’s our fault! They can twist our words and actions, manipulate situations, ‘ignite us with gas’.

When we know that there is no obvious reason for such an outburst, we may want to dig deeper and find clues that help us address the underlying issues behind such anger. If we can’t just walk away from the relationship, how do we persuade a person to recognize the inappropriateness of their behavior or help them accept that there are issues that need to be resolved?

What do you do if you suspect that you are becoming that person?

– Watch if other people start to move away from you. Everyone can’t be wrong! A big clue that you are the angry one who is behaving unreasonably is when you realize that people have stopped talking to you about sensitive matters. A shrug and a ‘no point in arguing, you never listen’ may be fine in busy or stressful times, but gradually others may start to form closer relationships while relegating you to the role of outsider. Realizing this can lead to increased anger and frustration, but it can be the signal to start taking more responsibility for your alienating behavior.

– Do people say that you are not interested or that you do not understand? Relationships aren’t just about you and are meant to be a two-way exchange, even if you don’t like or agree with the other person’s point of view. Constructive listening practice. This means calmly reflecting back what he has heard so that the speaker can make sure that he has understood. It may be difficult at first to resist the urge to mentally prepare your response before you’ve finished speaking, but respecting and understanding others will help improve your relationships.

– A victim mentality. can result in angry responses to any criticism or perceived rejection. This can be due to unresolved issues, sometimes going back many years. That sneaking suspicion that we’re not good enough, that we’ve succeeded by accident, that we’ll be found out at any moment can provoke defensive and angry responses in an attempt to prevent further comment or investigation.

– ‘Stop telling me what to do‘ is a common expression in homes where young people are growing up and beginning to show their wings. Over time, however, some people may seem unable to formulate requests acceptably and are therefore seen as bossy, ego-ridden, and domineering, while others may resist taking directions well. This can be problematic in work-related situations. Learning to discuss issues respectfully can help prevent an escalation of tensions.

– Unresolved issues it may be due to the inability to adequately communicate our feelings, ask for help or discuss what is happening. We may have learned to keep quiet and not express ourselves well or expect others to be psychic and intuit our true thoughts and feelings. Maybe we hate risking feeling vulnerable and anticipating that others won’t understand. These are all our own problems that can provoke an angry response. It may be that some counseling and hypnotherapy sessions can help us overcome any unhelpful behavior patterns.

– Too many things happen, where we hate turning down requests and continually accepting more commitments can result in stress overload and burnout. We may take requests out of concern or fear, maybe of missing something, of looking like we’re not coping, not up to the job. However, it is often better to explain what else is going on in our lives, ask for additional training, and talk about our situation. Sometimes other people issue requests without fully realizing what other commitments we have.

– Counseling and hypnotherapy. it can help resolve underlying issues of rejection, low self-esteem, and confidence. It may be important to appreciate that perspective also plays an important role in our experience of anger. The way we look at things, how we interpret what happens, is often based on how they impact us and our lives. Facing the fact that others may be better than us in some areas, just what they say, entitled to their point of view, can make a big difference in how we react to experiences. Accepting that we have to ‘get over ourselves’ can be a big step in the right direction.

– Learn to laugh at yourself when you see how uptight, dumb or wrong you are being. Self-awareness can provide a much more relaxed and less stressed way of responding to things that happen and can also allow everyone to relax and be more creative and support each other.

– Find a word code o An effective way to recognize and call a ‘time out’ can be a valuable way to intercept tense situations before they escalate. All parties should agree beforehand, but taking a break before anger flares can give you time to calm down, recognize triggers, and perhaps discuss them before it causes too much damage.

And do not forget that, once said, things cannot be unsaid. They can be understood, excused, even forgiven, but harsh words spoken in anger are less easy to forget.