Scary thought, isn’t it? It is known to happen to all writers. I don’t mean writer’s block, nothing as serious as Stephen King’s character Mike Noonan in Bag of Bones where he turns on the computer and throws himself off the screen (okay, it may not be a computer, it’s been years since I read that book, but I’m sure those who read it know the scene). Nothing too bad However, the time will come when the muse (sexy goddess of words) will decide to take a day off.

Now this day off will probably be your writing day, a reserved date in your leather-bound journal; wife and family go to the beach, you took your laptop to the penthouse, gave the penthouse key to a trusted neighbor, and they locked you up. There’s no escaping that brilliant screen.

If you’ve followed Laymon’s rules of writing (list of eight available on the HWA website) and paid close attention to rule number 3, paragraph titled: Some Helpful Hints… section number 5, where he suggests following Hemingway’s advice: stop at a point where you still know what’s next, so that the next day’s writing can easily begin. Then this article is most likely not for you.

Aim….

It can happen, anytime, anywhere, even locked in the attic with huge spiders slowly crawling towards you, venom pouring out of their fangs, it can happen. And it can seriously ruin your day.

Here are some solutions I’ve heard other writers say, with some general comments from yours truly:

1) Go for a walk. || While this is good for your health, it will kill your writing time, and maybe lose a few bucks, on something you simply must have while you’re stopping by that thrift store.

2) Do something else. || Because? Sure you’ll take care of painting the ceiling or whatever, but very little will be written. But what the hell, the muse is on vacation, right? Mistaken.

3) Read a book. || I’m all for reading now, but there’s a time and a place and it’s not when you’re meant to pester the muse in hopes of a few good pages.

4) Work on a different writing project. || Hello? I doubt the words are going to come out, just because you start something new. (Now, before you all start jumping on my back and offering my neck to the spider’s fangs, this has been known to work for some people and not for others, though this never worked for me in general.)

5) Give up. Take a day off. || OK that’s fine. Remember you’re in a locked attic with just a chair, a table, and your laptop (let’s not forget the chandeliers), what are you going to do? Do you have a battle? Spiders are fast and can move at right angles, they jump and they are small and ugly… urgh.

That’s all I can remember hearing. Of course there is number six. My personal favourite, and it never fails.

6) Hit it. || Simple truth? Keep hacking those keys, type whatever comes to mind, forget the story and if this or that fits, because it most likely doesn’t. An example: not long ago I was writing a short story for an anthology, something was missing, I couldn’t figure it out. The muse had decided that it was holiday season and with such a beautiful day, she had gone out for some sun and fun (probably with that male muse from the street!). He was abandoned, in a mysterious world, cold, full of blood and sex and he had no idea what to do.

So I followed my own advice. number six. I walked away. You see, I love writing, I love taking people into a little world of my own making and instilling hope and love and kindness, before the madness starts.

For six hours I worked until the muse returned (with a nice tan and a new bag) and said: “Cut paragraph seven. Put paragraph three after six, seven after nine, and open with eleven.”

“Okay,” I said happily.

“Now, change this sentence to…”

What I’m getting at here is this: If I hadn’t been fighting, cussing, and cursing everything from my computer to my coffee mug, these words wouldn’t have been here in the first place. If I had followed tips 1 – 5, the writing mood would have disappeared. The muse would be back and we’d be sitting on the couch watching Adam’s Family reruns thinking, Damn, today was a good day for writing, I should have kept it up.

That is my opinion on the situation. Maybe you agree, maybe you don’t, but one thing is for sure…
Writing in an attic is not a good idea.

One last thing before I leave you at the mercy of the muse: watch out for that black-eyed spider on the back of your flesh.