Sex education: it is more than putting condoms on bananas.
Let’s start with the top 10 reasons why should have sex before marriage:
1. If it feels good.
2. It gives you the opportunity to test someone without committing to a relationship.
3. You can learn to be a better lover.
4. You can show off to your friends.
5. You will be more popular.
6. It is a sign that you are older.
7. Everyone is doing it.
8. There is no apparent risk.
9. Your parents don’t need to know.
10. You will feel loved.
Sounds like great advice, right?
But what if I said those are the exact same reasons I should no have sex before marriage?
1. If it feels good, at a price. Have you ever noticed that every pleasure comes with a price tag? Eating sweets can lead to weight gain. Drinking alcohol can lead to drunkenness. Using drugs can get you arrested. What is the price of having sex before marriage?
2. It gives you the opportunity to test someone without committing to a relationship. Do you want to have sex with someone who is testing you to see if you are good enough?
3. You can learn to be a better lover for someone else. Essentially, by definition, it’s about using a person you don’t really love for the theoretical benefit of someone you might love in the future. Although you may learn something about the sexual act, since you are not practicing true love, this cannot make you a better lover.
4. You can show off to your friends. People brag about things and accomplishments, not how much someone loves them. Do your friends brag about how much their parents love them? Showing off is about yourself, not the person you love.
5. You will be more popular, but with whom? The other guys who want to have an affair? The other girls who want to show off?
6. It is a sign that you are older and therefore responsible for your actions. If you get pregnant, that is your baby. If you get an STD, it is your body that will be injured.
7. Everyone is doing it. If everyone does, then there is no leader, just a mindless pack. Do you want to follow someone who has no idea where they are going?
8. There is no apparent risk. But what about inapparent risks? People still get pregnant using condoms. They still get sexually transmitted diseases. They still suffer from heartache, rejection, loneliness. Are you sure enough of the result to take a chance?
9. Your parents don’t need to know. Chances are, your parents love you more than anyone else in the world. Most likely, you love them too. Do you want to be in a position to lie to them? How do you feel when someone lies to you?
10. You will feel loved. It’s just that. You feel loved, but you won’t be. Someone who truly loves you will respect you and wait for you. Saying no to sex is a proof of love in itself. If someone says you don’t love him unless you have sex with him, that’s proof enough that he doesn’t really love you. And doesn’t this sound like what your partner wants is to be loved, rather than offer love? Don’t you want someone to love you?
As a doctor, I’d rather prescribe wisdom than birth control pills or STD treatment. Do yourself a favor and think twice before offering your precious body to someone who may just be looking for a moment of pleasure.
Copyright 2010 Cynthia J. Koelker, MD