Sometimes I hear from women who tell me that even though their husband has been saying he wants a divorce, they are starting to get a little bit hopeful that he can change his mind, at least a little. I often hear comments like, “I’m starting to suspect that maybe my husband isn’t so sure he wants a divorce anymore. He’s starting to act a little differently and more accepting of me, but I’m afraid to ask him about this because I don’t want him to back down.” Are there any signs that you can look for that might indicate that you really don’t want a divorce anymore?

There may be some signs that you are conflicted or unsure about the divorce. These vary from man to man and from relationship to relationship. But, I will discuss some of the more common signs in the following article. And I’ll also offer some suggestions on what to do if you see these signs.

Sign number one: he is affectionate, interested or attentive: Men who have one foot out the door and are sure that they want a divorce usually look ahead and therefore close themselves off from their wives because they strongly believe that she will soon become their ex-wife. Therefore, it is somewhat unusual to see a husband who wants or has filed for divorce remain at least physically or sexually interested in his wife. Sure, many men are courteous and try to remain present in family life because it benefits everyone to be cordial.

But men who start to have doubts about divorce sometimes take it a little further. You will feel attention or a little spark that you may not have felt in quite some time. Most wives suspect that they can feel this difference. If you’re feeling it, just keep going to see if you can build it up without making a big deal scaring or holding it back.

Sign number two: You don’t seem to be looking ahead or taking any initiative to move forward: When a man is sure that a finalized divorce is on the horizon, he will usually start to reorganize his life with this in mind. He’ll get a separate bank account, start looking for another place to live, and generally try to get his affairs in order because he knows all of these things will be needed in the near future.

But, a man who isn’t really sure what the future holds might drag his feet into these things or not complete them at all. Now, some men are just procrastinators who don’t make changes until they absolutely have to. And you know whether or not her husband falls into this category. But, wives who suspect that their husband is moving slowly because he has doubts will usually see other signs to help confirm it.

Sign number three: You get the feeling that you are constantly reevaluating yourself (and maybe your marriage) and wondering if a divorce might be a mistake: Men who are sure they want a divorce because it’s the right thing to do or because it’s the right response may doubt themselves at first, but most who go through with divorce find their resolution somewhere along the way relatively quickly.

Men who doubt divorce will often show their internal struggles with this decision outwardly. They might actually verbalize questions to you that are meant to test you or the relationship to help them decide if the divorce really is a mistake. I’ve had wives tell me that her husband has literally made comments like, “I hope we don’t regret this divorce or find out later that it was a mistake.” Sometimes, instead of directly addressing the breakup, they’ll take a walk down memory lane and say things like “we really did have fun together, didn’t we?” Or “I want you to know that I really will always care about you.”

What to do if you think your husband really does not want a divorce: There is no doubt that the thought of your marriage being over is a difficult reality to deal with. So it’s understandable that you might be tempted to go right away and ask him directly if he really wants a divorce or if he’s actually going to go through with it.

I would recommend rethinking this strategy, at least for a while. If her husband is currently struggling with this decision, pushing too hard may cause him to walk away from her. In my experience, it’s often a better idea to build on whatever “advantage” it gives you. If he’s becoming more receptive and more interested, then follow up and build on that without pushing the situation any further or trying to define it. Because you may not be sure right now. So you want to wait to ask the question until it’s obvious what the answer will be.