Should girls play youth soccer?

This can be a bit of a controversial topic for some, but in the society we live in, the answer should be a resounding no.

Do some girls have the size and aggression to play youth soccer? Absolutely, I see sisters of my players who would make great soccer players, but I’m not sure it’s the best thing for the girl or boys on our youth soccer team.

Today’s society seems to want to devalue women, rap music with its demeaning depiction of women as disposable and worthy of abuse, television and movies depicting women as sexual objects worthy of abuse, and the same with print media and mainstream pornography.

In downtown Omaha, almost 70% of our players have no one home. If you think I’m exaggerating, we’ve had games with 2 people in the stands and they were both women, not nearly enough for a chain team. This was not a one time deal, we have had many games where we did not have 3 men to run the chains. Many of our players do not have a behavior model at home to “copy” of how to treat a woman correctly. Children often see first hand women being physically and mentally abused and of course they hear it in the music they listen to, on television and in the press. I’ve been a youth soccer coach for 15 years and the “no dad” house problem gets worse every year. Tom Osborne in his book “Faith in the Game” states that this problem is on the rise and is responsible for most of the crimes and problems with young men.

If we let girls play football with boys, we teach them that harsh physical contact with women is acceptable behavior. In fact, as coaches we should encourage and reward this physical contact. Our players would get into the habit and get used to being physical with women, the act would desensitize everyone involved in the activity to the physical force that men apply to women. Meanwhile, the female is learning that rough physical contact with males is acceptable, it is now a habit. Now, while having women on your team may help short-term progress for some of our soccer teams, I’m not sure we’re helping the boy or girl in their long-term development as productive members of our society.

Girls are just as good and even better for boys in many activities, it’s not about girls having the ability to play. It is about breaking the abusive cycle in which many single-parent families or even two-parent families find themselves today. In my opinion, coaching youth soccer is much more than teaching kids how to execute good soccer plays and how to block and tackle. It is about teaching valuable life lessons that the youth soccer player can carry with them to use throughout their lives. My dad taught me to treat women with reverence and respect, and I was rewarded for that behavior with a wonderful wife and a very satisfying family life. Dad didn’t just tell me, he showed me, even when he and mom had disagreements, they never got loud or physical. He modeled proper behavior every day, many of our children NEVER see proper behavior modeled for them. As children, we were threatened that hitting a girl or even pushing her was “mortal sin” material that could never happen. If it happened, my father would treat me in the most severe way, moreover, he would also consider himself a coward.

In 2001 we had an 8-year-old soccer player from one of our Omaha teams punch a girl in the face over some kind of disagreement on the playground at our field. Of course, we talked to the boy and told him that he should never hit a woman and fired him from our program with the promise that he could come back next year if we saw a significant improvement in his attitude and actions. We felt that he needed the program and the contact with strong male role models. The player had to attend all practices and games and watch, not play. We convinced the parents of the beaten girl not to press formal charges. Believe it or not, the “grandfather” of the striking players argued the boys’ case, saying that the girl “pushed him first.” That made me sick, the poor kid has no daddy in the house and a “grandpa” who thinks it’s okay to punch girls in the face who push you first. No wonder his daughter didn’t have a man in the house. He wanted to punch grandpa in the face, but I thought that wouldn’t be the right message for the boy to see either. We really do work with this child, but I have a feeling there is a very high probability that this player will be a female user/abuser when he is older and will have a very unsatisfactory home life. Although the grandson returned, the grandfather was not invited to train for us again.

I will never allow women to play in my youth soccer program. I don’t want the life lessons and memories of our football players to include when our stud linebacker removed the padding from a running girl who had snot bubbles and tears running down her face.

However, some people bite the hand that feeds it. In our rural program we have not had women’s soccer signings. In Omaha, some mothers have tried to sign their daughters up for soccer. After the initial disappointment wore off and the mother was told why we think it makes sense in the long run for women not to play, the mothers were very supportive. I can only think of one instance where mom didn’t “get it” and removed her son from the program because we don’t allow the kids on our team to hit her daughter. I can still see her today, a single mother with 3 children in need of the program who refused to listen to reason. This mom was missing two front teeth, likely from the very cycle we were trying to help break.

Today we have plate soccer and even wrestling between boys and girls, what’s next for boxing? or what about the ultimate fight? Where do we draw the line? If girls are just as good at soccer as boys, why not boxing? Why not fight? Why not Ultimate Fighting?

There are some who don’t care about the long-term implications for both parties, they simply have a selfish desire to see their children excel, no matter the cost. I shudder at what awaits that poor girl.

Let’s draw the line in American football.

For more free youth soccer plays or free youth soccer coaching tips, visit Dave’s website:

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