I often hear from wives who want to know if their husband feels enough remorse or guilt after his affair or cheating. Sometimes the wife suspects that the husband is only acting to get the forgiveness or response he wants from his wife. And some wives tell me that their husbands act like they are outraged or justified in behavior, which can absolutely infuriate wives.
The feelings of a husband after being caught cheating can certainly vary and differ as much as the husbands themselves. Also the way he feels about this may change over time as the truth really begins to come out and be resolved. In the following article, I will discuss some of the feelings that I witness or have admitted from men who have been caught cheating.
Usually a husband’s initial reaction after being caught cheating is panic: Although she may not show you this reaction, many men tend to feel shocked and panicky once the cat is out of the bag. As incredible or silly as it may sound, most men never really think that they are going to get caught. In their own minds, they are going to figure this out before you find out.
So your initial reaction is one of damage control on all fronts. They often don’t think clearly and are trying to figure out what their best strategy is to move forward. Unlike women who try to sort out their feelings and take inventory of what their “instinct” and integrity tells them to do, men are often reactive, meaning they are simply reacting to whatever is happening. at that moment. You have to worry about taking the actions that are going to positively affect your future.
Cheating husbands’ feelings about mistress and wife will often change depending on where they are in the process: Often times, if the relationship with the lover failed to come to a natural end or did not develop, the husband may still be confused or grieved over this loss, even though the relationship never had a real chance. And because the wife is sure to be furious, stagger, and very resentful after learning about the affair, he is often reluctant to deal with her in an honest way because he feels ashamed and ashamed of his actions.
These are negative feelings that most people intuitively want to avoid as a means of self-preservation, which is why the husband often acts outraged and defensive. The wife will sometimes understand that this means that she is unrepentant and not guilty. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes you’re just trying to “save face” and making a stand. He imagines that by not dwelling on the details of the matter too much and can get him out of his trial as quickly as possible, he can minimize his pain and anger. In short, you want to spend as little time as possible justifying or explaining your actions, and therefore your actions will generally be a direct response to this.
This can be absolutely infuriating, I know. Sometimes you really have to explain that you are not going anywhere and that you are not going to leave this until you get the answers you need. Sure, you can act all you want, but it’s not going to change anything on your part. What is going to be needed is not going to change simply because it is doing the wrong thing. Sometimes when you communicate this to him, you will begin to see your true feelings, which are usually based on guilt, remorse, and the fear that you just don’t know where to go from here.
Usually with a little time and distance, most cheating husbands legitimately feel remorse when it becomes obvious what a big mistake they have made and the pain they have caused: As I have said, many men will try to put the blame or minimize their actions at first. When you make it clear that you are not having this and are willing to wait, many will realize what a big mistake they have made. And this is usually when you start to see their remorse, fear, and sadness. Also, it is usually here that they can begin to look back and realize how dumb they have been and how they were looking for something that never really existed except within themselves.
See, men generally cheat as a direct response to their own fears and doubts. And there is no other person on earth who can give this to them except themselves. Yes, sometimes they construct the lover and the adventure as an answer to their problems. But, now that they are standing on the other side and seeing the pain they have caused others, they realize how wrong their thoughts were.
Of course, now, it might be too late to realize this. And once this reality hits, that is when you will often receive desperate apologies and pleas. This takes longer for some men than for others. Some men will get to this point almost immediately after the affair is out of the bag. For some, this takes weeks or even months without help. Ultimately, some men need help getting to this point because denial has become an unfortunate habit for them.
In short, most men feel remorse, guilt, and grief after being caught cheating. But some men take longer to get to this point than others. Sometimes you will have to “help” them to get to this place.