The ‘married man’ is a whole different kind of species and you might find that he has an appeal if you’re feeling a bit jaded after being in the singles dating scene for a while. As a general rule, the married man will go out of his way to compliment you, he will always make sure your glass is full and an offer for dinner will never be fraught with worries about who will pay or whether or not you should offer to be Dutch. If you are unsure of a new man’s marital status, beware of signs that will easily identify him as married. He tends to be self-assured, confident, seemingly with little to prove to women. If after meeting him and assuming there was an attraction, he somehow finds a way to have a card or flowers on your desk the next day. Alternatively, if he emails or calls you, he’s openly excited to meet you again. What may seem best of all is the lack of necessary guesswork as to whether or not he likes you. It can feel flattering and very easy to relax and enjoy the attention shown by the married man. For some women it can feel like a balm for battered self-esteem after dating too many commitment-phobic single men who apparently like nothing more than going to bars and picking up different ‘girls’ every weekend.

Tips, Tips and Curse

If you are thinking of dating a married man, you may find it helpful to cast ‘going out with a married man’ on Google and read the answers you get. First there are the tips on how to successfully date and keep married man. You’ll also get contrasting advice on why you should reevaluate your reasons for accepting second-best status. And of course, the answer you expect is also included, the one that judges you as the homewrecker. Interestingly, the advice suggests that you never pressure your married man for answers and that you “make the most of the time you have together.” Instead, the council informs you that you are putting your life on hold for a man who already has commitments, so “just don’t do it.” And the view that reflects social, cultural, or religious values ​​will let you know in no uncertain terms that what you are doing is wrong, that you will be punished at some point, or at least deserve to be.

Just a little fun?

Whatever your views are on the subject of flirting or dating a married man, they may depend on your circumstances or indeed your current status. For example, many women speak openly about how, when they were single and socializing, they saw the married man as a pawn who bought them wine or champagne that they couldn’t or didn’t want to buy for themselves. And married men, well acquainted with this game, accepted it as the price to pay for attractive company for a night. Move on to another type of socializing: the conference. After the event itself, it’s customary for everyone to head to the bar and unwind from a day of presentations and PowerPoints. As the night progresses and the alcohol continues to flow, friendships grow stronger while new ones are created. In some cases, the lines become blurred and the opportunity for a one night stand with an attentive married colleague may seem too compelling to pass up. All a bit funny and meaningless that you could rationalize at the time, but is it really?

Why do men cheat?

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, men cheat because it is part of their genetic code, a throwback to a time when the survival of the species saw man spread his seed with abandon and without thought of monogamy or, for that matter, fact, in fidelity. Well, maybe there is some truth to that, but what now? For some men who are married, powerful, or even those with a healthy expense account, a girlfriend is often seen as an asset that represents a perceived elevated status in life. We also have the men we know as ‘players’, he is the type of man who is always open to any opportunity that comes his way. For the most part, however, many men find themselves cheating on their spouse for much more mundane reasons and with little foresight or planning. As an example, take that booze-infused one night stand at the conference or a night out at a club with friends and a few attractive women joining the group.

For now, I’ll stay away from men who play the field, as well as those who believe that a girlfriend comes courtesy of American Express; Likewise, I’m doing the same thing with women who actively choose to date them. Instead, I am concentrating on the woman who is simply attracted to the ‘normal’ married man. First, I think it should be said that most single women would never consciously choose a relationship with a married man. However, as I’ve said before, sometimes events, timing, and of course attraction all conspire to make things happen differently. Intense feelings of attraction, particularly if they are reciprocated, are often difficult to ignore. And when we’re caught up in the attraction, we’re easily swayed by the thrill of anticipation, and life can seem to take on a sparkle it didn’t have before. It is both an addictive and exciting time and very difficult to walk or indeed to run away from.

Secrecy, lies and limits

However, for the woman who begins a relationship with a married man, she has to prepare for a different relationship. Meeting her new man involves secrets and constant lies. It often means being selective about who you share your relationship news with. Plans for weekends or vacations with her lover may need to be accepted as an option. However, during the initial period of exaggerated romantic love, none of this could matter. Only when those wonderful and heady early days of romance fade do things change. This is the completely natural evolution of relationships as you shift from the adrenaline-pumping infatuation stage and into the calmer ‘attachment’ phase. The relationship is now in a place where a deeper kind of love, connection, and intimacy with a partner is possible. For the woman in the kind of limiting relationship one has with a married man, she may begin to seek a greater commitment, one that includes a fuller life and future with her lover. For the married man who is still committed to his marriage (this may be his children rather than his wife) it is often a moment of panic, when he feels compelled to make a decision. Most will choose her marriage. And while he may find comfort in plunging back into his marriage, the woman may find herself alone dealing with the aftermath, especially if friends and family weren’t supportive of the relationship in the first place.

Finding a relationship with potential

Finding someone to have a good relationship with takes time and yes, it can be lonely during that period. However, getting involved with someone who is already engaged to someone else is not the answer to defending against her loneliness. If anything, a relationship with a married man can itself be an even more isolated and intensely lonely experience. So before you jump into none relationship know in advance what you want. If it’s a relationship with potential for growth, one with a real possibility of a future with another, then faced with an attractive and openly interested married man, remember that and make the decision that’s right for you. Walk away.